Grand Opera for Risk Managers

Incredible as it may seem to you, no grand opera has been written about risk management. Not being Joe Green (or if you are Italian, Giuseppi Verdi), I merely point out the opportunity. Others are welcome to the fame and glory, but it would be remiss of me not to point out the possibilities and show how it might be done.

The opera begins at dusk in the courtyard of Count Fortunato Cinque Cènte. His lovely daughter, Susanna (risk manager for the House of Borgia), is being serenaded by Don Alexandri Alexandri. Strumming his loot (pardon me, lute), he sings the plaintive aria Oh Sole Mio Alla Riska Policio (Come With Me and I’ll Make You Happy Beyond Your Wildest Dreams). Susanna is intrigued but is betrothed to Duke Marsho Maclenni, the man selected by her father. She therefore replies guardedly with the soprano showpiece Mi mangiare, mi ascoltare (Take Me to Dinner and We’ll Talk).

The next scene is a colorful city plaza where the gaily clad townfolk are milling about shouting Killa da umpire, killa da umpire (We are Displeased With the Insurance Commissioner). Up on a balcony, Commissioner Demogaga Garamendi sings a bass aria to the insurance company commendatore, Reservos troppo piccolo, Io taka alla (Thy Tiny Funds are Frozen). The commendatore replies with the tenor piece Suo Madre Weara Combata Boota (Just one more chance). The two then join in a heart-rending duet El Pòpolo alle Stùpido (We Can Settle This Out of Court).

A peculiar interruption occurs at this point when a huge woman in a Viking helmet, steel brassiere with conical cups, and a spear rushes on stage like Madonna singing the Song of the Valkyries. Noting the vacant stares, she quickly perceives she is in the wrong opera, so slinks off stage in embarrassment.

The final scene takes place at a huge RIMS Conference held in Napoli to commemorate the first anniversary of the discovery in Italy that insurance companies must actually pay claims. Risk managers combine on stage in a large chorus to voice their plaintive cry Wherea We Finda Hospitality Suitos? (Where are the Educational Sessions?) A quintet of brokers then voices the melodious Come ona My House, Mya House (We Have Just What You Want).

The grand finale is led by the RIMS staff in the glorious Whatta Holy Messa (Thank God This is Over).

And aren’t we all.

Copyright © 1996 by David Warren
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